30 pounds!!

WOO HOO!
I now have lost 30 pounds;) I hope that I will be a good little girl during the holiday season and keep that 30 pounds off!
I have also applied to be in a free weight loss program at UK. I will be put in a group with 4 other people and have access to a trainer for about 4 weeks. I hope that will be what I need to jump start the exercise program that I have been lacking in.
I'm almost done with one of the hardest semesters of school that I have ever experienced. Many times I wanted to pack up and go home. With one final left, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm thankful that God kept me moving forward even if I was dragging my feet. I'm thankful for the different people he has had encourage me along the way. I'm thankful that He gave me strength to get through it.
I'm most thankful that I didn't gain weight in the midst of such a hectic time!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS:)

20 pounds lost picture!

Here is a picture of me from this past weekend with one of my biggest cheerleaders! I can't really tell a difference in my weight. However, this is me minus 20 pounds!!!I guess we can compare it to my last picture on here which is me by myself.

20 POUNDS!

Yes, folks! I can't believe it but I have officially lost 20 pounds. I sort of wanted to keep to myself in the event that next week I gain weight or something, but I decided to proclaim it to all.
I still feel out of control at times when it comes to food. There have been quite a few days lately where I have wanted to be able to shovel lots of food into my mouth. As I write this now, I am craving a dinner out somewhere. Stress is still playing a key role in how I handle food. I need to find a new way to handle stress; also, I need to find a new way to handle relief too. This past week I had 3 tests which is a lot for us PA students. So, with the end of the last test today I really wanted to stop at Arby's yet again on the way home. HOWEVER, God provided me with an out. I really wanted to drive through the "drive through", but I realized that I had put my backpack with my wallet in the trunk. It was divine intervention on the food problem because normally by backpack is in the front seat next to me. SO, being lazy I did not want to get the wallet out of the car and did not have my Arby's:)
I have yet to start working out. I know that I need to but I just haven't made the time. If I had an elliptical in my room, things would be so much easier for me.
Weightloss and discipline isn't supposed to be easy. I pray that I get out of that mindset!!
Thanks to all of you that have been encouraging me through this process!

STRESS

Today is a day that I could definately eat myself out of house and home literally! We have so much going on with PA school, and I'm very stressed out. As I was driving home from class, I wanted to stop and get something from the gas stations or Arby's which I passed by. Its hard to explain the feelings I had. I just had this overwhelming urge to gorge on food.
I don't really know why I feel that way, but I know that moments like this have led me to be who I am today. I have sort of used food to check out of the world. I call it my very visible wall that I have put up between myself and the world. I hope that I will be strong in resisting more moments like these.
Thankfully, I just kept on driving. I didn't stop and in my house I only have relatively good choices of food. I'm trying to wait to eat until I am truly hungry.
My prayer lately is that with every pound that I lose, I will deal with the hurts and pains that I allowed to end up as added weight to my body. I think when it boils down to it, I have been holding on to many things. I pray daily that I will have the courage to LET GO!

My first 10 percent

My goal 3 weeks ago when I started was to lose 10% of my body weight by Christmas.

10%=33 pounds (yes, thats right I weighed 330 pounds)

I really feel confident that I can get to that goal by Christmas especially since I've already lost 12 pounds. So, I'm almost halfway to my first goal!!

Two other goals I must work on are my quiet times and working out!!

RIP

This weekend I went to my first UK game and I have to say it was quite exciting. A touchdown in the first few minutes of the game and an amazing ending where UK took back there lead. After the game my friend and I were hungry and she went through Wendy's drive through. I got an order of chicken nuggets and a root beer. To say it was good was an understatement.
HOWEVER, the next day I was sick at my stomach all day. It occurred to me that even in just 3 weeks of eating mostly HMR meal replacements and fruits and veggies, my stomach is already not able to tolerate grease. There have been other times in my life that I have quit eating fast food, but after Sunday I now feel that I must bury my love of fast food in its grave.
Death to the fast food, to those greasy fries and greasy hamburgers. Death to Taco bell bean burritos on rare occasions. No more buffalo fingers from Zaxby's. No more Krystals on the drive to Knoxville from Lexington or Lexington to Knoxville. I must say Rest in Peace fast food.
That being said, I know that it isn't going to be that easy to give up those things, but I think I can do it!! I know I'm going to try. I may try to bring the love of fast food back to life BUT that is what I am counting on you guys for.
Tomorrow is my official weigh in day and I know I'm officially atleast at my first 10 pounds lost!!

accountability group

Well, I had my first official weigh in for the accountability group that we have set up at school. I lost 3 pouds this week. Two weeks ago, I started a weight loss program-HMR and it seems to be working really well because my total is 8 pounds. I'm really excited about that.
Its so strange how I can go from feeling so horrible about myself to being really proud about what I've achieved. I hope that I will be able to lose my first 10% by Christmas and at the rate I'm going right now it is very doable.

The greatest thing going on right now is that I feel really good. My stomach troubles are almost non existent AND I'm even drinking shakes that are milk based. I have a little more energy than I have had in the past few months, but I'm still tired.
Well, I think that all in all what started out as a bad week has turned into a good mid week:)

A BAD DAY

Today was a very bad day. It is very hard to explain, but right now in school we are having to learn how to do physical exams. I am not very comfortable with ANYONE touching me (even my own doctor). So, I asked two other girls that I felt I could let poke and prod on me. Then this new lady in our class came in. We tried to tell her that there were already three of us. I was SO embarrassed and almost started crying right there. I didn't know how to tell her that I did not feel comfortable with her in the room.
I think that she also threw off the other two girls because I didn't feel like we got much accomplished. Anyway, I've felt horrible for the rest of the afternoon.
Today proves to me that I really do need to get some help. This problem is truly larger than myself.(no pun intended) So, I did what I have been putting off for some time and that is call about counseling. I'm going to my doctor here on Wednesday to ask for a referral. Hopefully, I am ready to work through the issues.
On a brighter note, a couple of ladies in my PA class and I are weighing in every Wed. This wednesday will be our first weigh in. I have been eating HMR foods for the past 2 weeks and am doing really well!
Well friends that all for now!

Third Day

When I was home in TN for my break from school, I was able to spend some time playing the piano and singing. Both are things that I have always enjoyed and are ways for me to destress. I was playing out of a book of praise songs and Third Days song "Love Song" was in there. As I was singing through the song, the words overtook me. It is a song that I have sung many times, but when I was at home, in that moment, it seemed that Jesus was speaking directly to me.
For those of you that don't know the song, it begins by saying "I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain just to be with the one he loves." The next verse talks about a man swimming the deepest ocean to be with the one he loves. As the song gets to a close it says, " Just to be with you, I've done everything. There's no price I did not pay; Just to be with you, I gave everything, Yes, I gave my life away"
At those words, I really felt like Jesus was speaking directly to me. He was saying, "Amalie, I have given everything just to be with you. You are constantly running from my love. You are constantly doubting my love. What more can I do to convince you of my love because I GAVE EVERYTHING!"
I don't want you to think that I feel like I am unloved. However, I like a lot of people just simply do not understand on God can continue to love me. He is so great and we are so weak. I feel today's world makes it a lot harder to truly believe in and be able to comprehend unconditional love.
Unconditional love is the love that Jesus offers us. He has done everything he can to make it very clear that no matter who or what we are He loves us. We can do nothing to earn his love, He loves us. We can be as bad as we want, He loves us. We can feel so unlovable, He loves us.
How many of you have little things in your life that you just try to hold back from him? How many of you may have these little parts of yourself that you want to fix first before you present it to Jesus? How many of you realize that we are missing the point by thinking this way. "Just to be with you, I gave everything." Those words were jumping out at me and saying to me that He loves me with my flaws and all. I don't have to get dressed up in my sunday dress to be presentable to Christ. I can come to him in my grubby Saturday morning dirty house cleaning clothes and He loves me the way that I am.
I hope that all of us will take a moment to realize that any time we doubt His love we should remember that He gave everything to be with us. He loves every part of you no matter what!!

the balanced life and discipline

You know I think that there are 2 keys to weightloss and it is not diet and exercise. The first is a balanced life. I had a sunday school teacher in college, Sam Cargo, who over and over would draw a picture of three cups. They represented ones spiritual, physical, and mental lives. He would always say that to have a full life these had to be balanced. You couldn't have one overflowing and the others lacking to make it. He would also point out that the most important one was your spiritual life. If it was empty or even half full, then physical and mental would never be where you needed them to be.
For a long time, I did not understand it. I actually thought he was crazy. When he went to draw 3 cups on the easel, I thought, "here we go again with the cups." However, a few years back when I actually did lose a significant amount of weight(before gaining it back), I started to focus on my spiritual life. I had kind of been standing still in all areas of my life, but especially when it came to my relationship with Christ. I had forgotten what a true quiet time was and at that point in time was not active in church. So, I began to experience a full spiritual life. As I began to get right with the Lord, I became motivated to exercise and eat right. All of these things affected me mentally and physically. The light went on!! Sam Cargo was not crazy.
The second key to weightloss is discipline. This has always been a hard one for me. I always think of discipline as "training to act in accordance with rules" or even some result of punishment. I think that sometimes I look at the word discipline and cringe.
However, I recently found this definition of discipline that I like: "to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control." Order and obedience--when you look at weightloss from a spiritual standpoint we have to learn to eat when we are hungry and stop when we are full. Therefore, we are being obedient to never over indulge and not partake in gluttony. The way that we achieve this order and control or discipline is through training and control. My training will come in developing new eating habits as well as exercise habits.
So as you can see exercise and eating right is really involved in my two keys to weight loss, but without a balanced life or discipline the weightloss will not remain for very long. When I first neglect my spiritual life, I am living proof that things begin to fall apart--the weight slowly begins to creep on until you are miserable!
So all you who struggle with this issue too--keep on keeping on because it takes time to develop a balanced life and discipline!!

2 pounds

2 pounds--yep thats right. In the past month I have only lost 2 months. Yes, I'm a little frustrated because I did put in a little bit of hard work. ONLY a little bit of hard work. I would say that only 50% of the time did I really put into practice my goals that I had set for myself. That being said, I know that 2 pounds could turn into 4 pounds and so forth. I know that this next month I will improve more and more!!

week 3

This week has just been a week for me. I have worked out a lot more than normal. I have to say thanks to my great PA friends because they keep encouraging me to stay active.
Last night I was thinking about what I might look like if I lost half of me. It is actually quite scary. I think the hard thing would be to lose the weight and still not be happy with me. I feel like I have to be ok with me now, with who I am right in this moment. I think then and only then that when I do lose ALL the weight, it won't matter what half of me looks like!

My first goal

Well, I have set my first weight loss goal. I want to lose 25 pounds by mid september. I feel pretty confident right now that I can do it. If I meet my goals each week then I should see the results. The only thing that worries me is the fact that this is the first time since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism that I am trying to lose weight. I'm not sure what effect that will have. I certainly know it hasn't helped in the weight department. Things are looking up and I'm excited for what the future holds!!

week 2

YEAH! I met my fitness goal this week. I worked out three times for at least 30 minutes. I also joined the local Y here in Lexington and am starting back with water aerobics. Having a scheduled class time seems to help me out a lot. Plus, I have some great friends that I am in school with that are making me go work out with them. So, this next week I want to up my workouts to 4 days a week.
Also, I am going to start writing down calories in addition to journaling my food. The coke thing is still not under control, but I am doing much better in that area. If I drink one this week I will at least be counting it in my calories.
My mindset has been kind of the low point of the week. So many times this past week I just felt like there is truly NO way that I will ever be able to get to a healthy weight. I am scared that I can't do. I hate where I am at in this area of my life. I don't want to get heavier, but I don't want to make the sacrifices to make changes in my life. So the big question is do I stay miserable where I am at or do I work my butt off(literally) to achieve something in my life???
I still don't have the answers so I guess we will have to stay tuned and find out together!!

week 1

Well, it was a start. It wasn't perfect but I did better than the week before and the week before that and I guess that is all I can ask of myself. I did not meet most of my goals but I worked on them. I only went 2 full days without drinking coke. However, the rest of the days, I limited myself to only drinking coke at one meal. I wrote down most of what I ate. As far as the quiet times go they were lacking. I also worked out only twice instead of three times.
A "blessing" for me has been that we have to walk to class right now instead of riding the bus to the college of health sciences. It takes about 10 minutes one way so that is extra movement for me.
Today, I started the new week off right by swimming for 30 minutes. YEAH! It was fun and hard at the same time. I haven't been in the pool in about six months and have lost all my endurance. So, my goals for this week are pretty much the same as last. Foodwise, I want to journal everything I eat. I want to cut back on the cokes even more especially since we learned in our oral health class that they are basically "Acid on your teeth." Workout wise I want to stick with 30 minutes 3 times a week. Spiritually, I have to have my quiet times.
OH, I did not lose any weight this past week. One HUGE struggle is going homes on the weekends. My mom doesn't cook very much and we eat out alot. So, I am going to have to start making better choices when I eat out. Also, for the 3 hour drive back and forth, I have to start packing healthy food with me.
So, that is all for this week. Hang in there with me! Thanks for the encouragement!

cokes-agghh

So, thus far I have had only one coke a day. I went 24 hours without a coke but have been having really bad headaches ever since then. I'm not sure if they are caffeine related or if they are sinus headaches. Other than that I feel pretty good. Honestly, I think I probably drank 2-3 20 oz cokes a day.
It definately is harder than it has ever been for me to quit drinking cokes. I'll get there though!

325

So this is me..all 325 pounds.

here I am again

As if I didn't write enough of my thoughts for cyberspace to read. This blog is going to be all about my never ending struggle in living in the bondage of obesity. I have lost weight in the past and I have even had successes, but I always end back up in the chains. Most people say they don't know why they are overweight. I do. Its easy to be comfortable in your misery. Its easy to be unhappy with yourself. Its easy to hide yourself away through food and in return through many, many, many pounds.
By even starting this blog, I'm freaking out. I'm thinking what if I can't do this? What if I just end up gaining more weight? What if? Today I'm going to start anew once again. I'm praying that I will finally lay ALL of this down at Jesus feet. That's one thing a lot of people don't like to address-obesity is a sin. Well, the act of getting there is a sin. Most of us would not be overweight if we did not over eat. Most of us obese people have made sin our friend, our comfort, and our god.
So, if you are reading my blog it is because I want you to be my prayer warrior. I want you to be my encouragement. I want you to hold me accountable to what seems to be my never ending journey.
Today, I worked out for the first time in a long time. I can't remember the last time I worked out. So, my goal for this week starting today is to work out a total of 3 days for 30 minutes. My food goal for the week is to write down everything I eat and no more cokes. IF you see me with a coke, take it out of my hand!!(I"m not even kidding, and I know a few of you will really do this!) My spiritual goal for the week is to truly get back to a daily quiet time!
Check in here weekly to see how I'm doing. Other than that I'm sure I will get on here more than that and write.

Below is a poem I wrote sometime ago that seemed to sum up what my weight issue is truly about. I hope it becomes part of my inspiration!

Behind these prison walls, I have been for so long
That I call this place my home
With every hurt and pain, every brick was laid
And I don't even know I'm lonely
Cause this is all I've ever known
And if onlyI would take the key I possess and unlock my happiness
Live this life I have to live
Stand in the freedom that you give
Take hold of who you are and what I could be
I would find myself completely free;
Oh, how good it would feel to be free

But, I return to those walls, and walk my quiet halls
No one can hurt me here
In my barren rooms of my own sad solitude
And I don't even know what I'm missing
Cause this is all I've ever known
And if onlyI would take the key I possess and unlock my happiness
Live this life I have to live
Stand in the freedom that you give
Take hold of who you are and what I could be
I would find myself completely free;
Oh, how good it would feel to be free

So I took the key because I had to see just how it felt to be free
And the walls came down
Healing for my hurt and pain, tearing down the bricks that were laid
I just walk away
Cause this is all I ever want to know
And I finally, yes, I finally
Used that key I posessed; I unlocked my happiness
I'm living this life I have to live
Standing in the freedom I've been given
I'm finding out just who you are and what I can be
And I'm finally breaking free
Oh, how good it feels to be free
Free....Free