Sunday, September 20, 2009

Golden Calf

I feel like such an Isrealite right now! I'm right there among them as Moses went up the mountain with God and handing over my gold to build the calf.

 1 When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods [a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him.

Its so frustrating!!!!!!! This never ending battle with food truly stinks. This week for whatever reason, I have felt so unsatisfied. Nothing seemed like what I really wanted to eat. I have been short tempered. I have gotten angry for no reason. I have turned to food time and time again. I don't want to keep ending up back here, but I feel like I have to. I want to understand obesity from the inside out. I want to understand how the sin keeps drawing me back in. I want to learn it and know it so that I can fight it and finally win the WAR!

I am so thankful that Jesus has paid for my sins and that there are no Levites to come into my camp and kill me or be struck by a plague. I desire to get this right. I'm praying that God will continue to work in my heart and mind. That He will equip me to be able to truly present myself as a living sacrifice. I have had some good moments these past few weeks, and I am so thankful that God has given me the strength to do just that.

I have been getting on my grandmother's schwinn stationary bicycle (age uknown—25 or 30 years) and peddling away when I really wanted to sit around and do nothing. I have been working out twice a week with a trainer thanks to an amazing friend! I have been eating more fruits and vegetables over all, and drinking less and less carbonated beverages. I need to get to a place where I can win enough battles that tips me over to winning the war!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Food Challenge #1

If you thought I left you hanging, I haven't. I hope that you are making changes to a healthy life.

Your first food challenge is what you are drinking. Uh-oh! Are you cringing at the thought of giving up your beloved coke, mountain dew, pepsi, etc??

Yeah, I know its hard, but this might be the easiest way for you to cut back on calories! Ok, here are some facts. Lets take Pepsi which is my favorite. If you drink 8oz, that is 100 calories. Who drinks just 8 oz. I know I sure don't. So, 20 oz is 250 calories. When I was really throwing back the pepsi, I had about 2-3 twenty ounce drinks a day. Which is 750 calories (if I did my math correctly). Did you know that 3500 calories equals one pound? What that means is that in about 5 days, just by drinking pepsi you can gain a pound. OR if you are a 3 twenty ounce a day person and you cut down to ZERO, you can lose a pound in 5 days.

Hmm, that sound pretty easy—right?? WRONG! If you are like me and love drinking these calorie laden drinks, stopping them could be hard. So here are my challenges to you. I have plenty so I think you can find one that works for you personally.

1.Stop drinking sodas all together. (This is the best option in my opinion but also the hardest for me)

2.Drink diet drinks only. However, there is research out there saying that diet drinks INCREASE your hunger which defeats the purpose of drinking a zero calorie drink.

3.Mix it up. Drink mostly diet with a regualr coke thrown in every once in a while. (This is the option that I seem to follow quite a bit.)

4.Coke Suicide. Yep, you remember this from when you were a kid. At the self serve fountains you would mix all the choices. WELL, same thought. Fill up your drink with 50/50 diet or regular. A personal favorite of mine is when cherry coke is an option. I will often fill my drink up with 75% diet and 25% cherry. This option is great for people who can not stand the taste of diet. The idea would be that you increase the amount of diet while decreasing the amount of regular until you are 100% diet. (PS my friend Tara taught me this a long time ago)

5.Decrease your amount. Figure out how much soda you drink in a day, and start cutting back. Replace a 20 oz with water or diet.

These are the options that I have come up with for decreasing the liquid calories that go into your body. The best option is to quit drinking sodas all together and drink water. Whatever option you choose, use that as your stepping stone, and work your way up to NO SODAS.
Hang in there people. Change is hard, but this is one battle we can over come!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Change is HARD

It truly is so hard to change! This past week and a half has been challenging. I did pretty good last week. There were a few days when foodwise I could have done tons better. This week food has pretty much stunk for me. It is hard to explain to people who don't know anything about addictions. Something welled up inside of me this week and I felt compelled to eat. I don't know if I didn't eat the right kinds of foods or what but it has just been down right horrible at times. Ihave even questioned myself as to why I'm trying to change and can I truly change!

I have been reading this book about Moses taking the slaves out Egypt and have just gotten to when Joshua finally has the go ahead after they wander for 40 years. It is a fictional book recounted by a demon who was one of the original angels that fell with Lucifer. Its interesting to take into account how satan places the right demons to whisper the right doubts into the Isrealites heads at the right time. I am amazed how it was so easy for God's people to say it would be better to go back to Egypt because even if they were slaves, they knew what to expect day in and day out. That life of bondage was comfortable and it might not have been worth living but it was THEIR LIFE. It was all they had ever known.

So when satan's demons put that doubt into their ear, it wasn't hard for them to want to go back. We know how the story ends, but they didn't. They didn't know all the goodness that God had waiting for them. If they did, they wouldn't have waited in the desert for 40 years due to their disbelief and disobedience! So, I've been mulling around in my head this strange war that we live in where just on the other side of the river God has such great things, but unbeknown to us demons are right there trying to get us to go back to what we have known. My friends, we must find the courage to resist what has been enslaving us! We must trust in God to lead us into the promised land. For me that is a land of good health with healthy eating habits!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

mid week update

Have you spent the past few days thinking of why you are overweight/over eat? I really encourage you to do that exercise! Ever since I wrote that blog, I have moved onto a feeling of worry--feeling that I might not ever be able to truly succeed at this weight loss. After all I have even been on this very blog and proclaimed that I was going to kick the habit, but found myself right back in my old ways.
So how do we really make progress in this journey? First, I encourage each of you to find a prayer warrior. You need someone to interceed on your behalf especially for those days when you are not strong enough. God has provided me with that person. When I ask her to pray for me, I know that she does.
Second, I encourage you to find someone to hold you accountable to the very journey that you are on. It could be the same person as your prayer warrior. This needs to be a person who won't judge you when you fall into temptation, but will simply set you straight. This person won't make it easy on you either! God sent me this person over 3 years ago. I wish that I knew him better, but I will tell you what I know of him.
Andrew Henderson has been a personal trainer for quite some time here in Knoxville. When I first met him he was in the process of opening up his own personal training studio. I had met with him a few times prior to my father passing away, and I was quite surprised that he came to my dad's funeral. He was there to support me through a pretty hard time. Over the past 3 years, Andrew has randomly(I think of them as spirit led) texted, emailed, or called me to find out about my weight loss journey. He hasn't judged me. He has encouraged me when I was doing well. He has told me to get back with it when I have failed. He doesn't sugar coat things, but he doesn't make you feel like crap about yourself. You need someone like this in your life to tackle this journey that we are going on. (While he doesn't know I'm doing this, if you or someone you know is in Knoxville near Northshore or Hardin valley and needs a personal trainer, check out his studio here .)
So your homework is this...First be real with yourself about why you are overweight. Incidentally, those very reasons are the things that your prayer warrior should be interceding for you as those are the lies that Satan has placed in your heart and mind. Second, find a person that you know will pray for you. If you do not have anyone, then please give me the opportunity to pray for you. Last, you need that person who will hold you accountable and not allow you to fall off the beaten path.
Focus on these things this week. Let's get started!

Monday, August 17, 2009

I am overweight/I over eat because......

-I love food!
-it is all I have ever known
-it is my identity
-I can count on it to be there whenever I need it
-it is my excuse for feeling unlovable, ugly, and lonely
-I eat when I'm bored, stressed, happy, or sad
-food doesn't judge me
-its easy to be this way and SO hard to change
-I'm afraid of failing
-it is my drug of choice
-it protects me
-it is a constant in my life
-it prevents me from truly being seen
-it is my addiction
-it is my idol

Did it make you uncomfortable to read this? Could you identify with it? Could you replace overweight/over eat with your own sin in your life and relate to the reasons why it happens over and over again when you really don't want to be involved in this relationship with SIN anymore?
Recently, I read a fiction book about Celtic people. In that book, their wise men encourage people to name a land that may overwhelm them. They say that in naming something, it no longer can have a hold on you. I am calling this place in my life, ENTANGLEMENT. In Hebrews 12:1 it says “Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
Yes, I did survive my rotational year, but I went back to my old ways because I was overwhelmed with life. I didn't lose the desire to change; I just got all tangled us again. I plan on revamping this blog and I am asking whoever reads this to please pass my blog along to other people who struggle specifically with obesity. Maybe you have already won this battle and I would love to have you email me and tell me about it so I can feature you here on this blog.
Over the next many months, I plan on sharing with you how God is working in my life, exercise tips, recipes, etc. For those of you coming across this blog and understanding this struggle, Christ is the answer. He is our saving Grace and He will be our healing power in this struggle. If you go on to read the rest of Hebrews 12, it speaks of resisting sin to the point of shedding blood. Christ did that for us. He went to the pits of hell and on the 3rd day He rose again. It won't be easy, if you are like me you have been ENTAGLED for quite some time. However, bit by bit, we will let go of the hold food has on us.
Feel free to email me anytime:

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Lifelong Dream Flattened and Squashed!!

Well, my dream of working at St. Judes has been flattened and officially squashed! For those of you who don't know, my last rotation for PA school was to be at St. Judes Children Hospital in Pediatric Oncology. When I was 8 years old I told my mom that someday I would work there. So the fact that I was actually going to spend 4 weeks there on rotation was SUPER COOL!
We had memorial day off. I had been in communication with my contact there many, many times over the past few months. I was told all my paper work was in. So, I started Tuesday and followed around a Nurse practitioner in the Leukemia/Lymphoma clinic. She rocks...she was doing Lumbar punctures and Bone Marrow Aspirates the whole day. I had no idea mid levels could do those with out a physician watching you. It seriously impressed me. So, at the end of the day, I met up with my contact to go and get my ID badge.
This is where my dream began to flatten. We turned in my paper work and they said I had to go through employee health. My contact had no idea. She had just had 2 students the month before and had not had to do that. So, emails were sent to important people. Hence, it was found out at that point that I had some paper work missing. I still don't know what the initial missing paper work was. So, I was told to come Wednesday and go to the library at St. Judes and watch online lectures.
I did that. I finished my day and then went to study. About 6 last night, I checked my email to find my contact just found out that I didn't have a background check on file and did I have one. NOPE, I sure don't. Well, it takes at least ONE WEEK to get those things back. For me that means at least a week and a half of not seeing patients. Normally, I would love that, but in this case, it could be even longer than that to get the background check done. Dream of being at St. Judes—SQUASHED!
As soon as I found out, I called my wonderful clinical coordinator who said she would get to work on it first thing tomorrow. I then emailed her assistant(not sure of her real title) to let her know what was going on, because her assistant is the person that makes things happen. As of 10 am central time, this morning they already have a lead on my placement so I can start there on Monday. Keep praying that everything will go smoothly! My main focus is to spend these last weeks in school learning as much about pediatrics as possible. I know God is in control and HE is going to get me through this. Pray for safe travels to wherever I am heading. Pray for smooth transition into a possibly new clinic. Praise Him for the 2 days I spent at St. Judes which is truly an amazing place!

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Well, it has been quite an interesting past 6 months. I started out in July on my rotational year in Internal Medicine living in London, KY. From there I lived in Williamsburg, KY and worked in Jellico, TN on my Geriatric rotation. Then I lived in Lancaster, KY and worked in Stanford, KY for my Family medicine rotation. Finally, before Christmas I was in Albany, KY for my surgery rotation. This week I just started rotations again and am in Hazard, KY in psychiatry. I haven't spotted the General Lee yet, but will let you guys now if I have.
This has been some of the most overwhelming times of my life. I do not recommend you younger readers waiting until you are in your late 20s to move away from home for the first time. Then to make matters worse, you move to a new place every 4 weeks or so. Moving to new places has been a lot more stressful than I thought it would. It has led me to an overwhelmed feeling!
I mean on top of having to learn how to put all my classroom work to practice and being nervous about trying not to kill anyone, I have to pack up my life and move to a new town. Many of you know that I do not handle change well. I have dealt with anxiety most of my life. It frustrates me to know end that I get nervous about little things like going to hang out with old friends that I haven't seen in a while much less going to a place where I know no one. Most of the time I make myself do the things that I fear the most because I know I will survive. And that is just how it has been for me during all my moving around. God has provided for me everywhere I have been.
I wish that I had better balance in my life. That when one area gets out of whack the rest wouldn't go to pot, but it has. I have gained about 20 pounds back which is quite disheartening!! Have no fear though because I haven't given up yet. I have been getting caught in the fact that for about 3 months I just had a microwave to cook meals with and couldn't figure out "healthy" things OR that I didn't really have to the time or energy to think about eating right. Well that needs to stop:) I came to a point where I remembered something that I have known all along. IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO PUT THE WEIGHT ON AND IT MAY TAKE A LONG TIME TO LOSE IT. That being said, I started thinking about what little change I could make that over a LONG period of time would possibly help me lose weight.
Here is what I came up with: 1. Drink at least 40 oz of water a day. (Yes, I know they recommend 64 oz, but when a doctor dictates when you get to pee, one must limit there water intake) 2. Eat a healthy breakfast everyday.
I can do those 2 things for the next month. I can control that even amongst feeling so overwhelmed with everything else I have going on. More importantly, I'm going to have to keep thinking of ways to balance things in my life. THIS is real life. My life doesn't get to slow down just because I have this huge desire to lose weight. I mean it should, but its just not that way. So for now, I'm taking baby steps. I mean after all you have to crawl before you can walk!!