Thursday, April 24, 2008

halfway there!!

I'm halfway to my July goal. I think I can do it--I hope I can do it!
Some things that I would have you pray for are as follows:
1. May 22 is the day my dad passed away. Almost 2 years ago which as I have said before I can't really believe. Pray that I will deal with this in a healthy way. Pray that Satan won't use my grief to lead me to my bad habits of self sabotage and over eating. More importantly pray for my mom that she will make it through this tough time as well!
2. I have what I call the weight loss wall. I can lose about 50 or even 60 pounds. I've done it a few times before. Every time that I do something happens to help trigger me back into an upward spiral with the weight. I recognize that part of it as a freak out moment when I realize that the weight I put on to "hide me" away from the general public and to "protect my heart" could really go away. So, I'm approaching the wall and I want to keep pressing on. I want to "throw off the sin that so easily entangles"! Just pray that I will allow Christ to stand up under this yoke of slavery and not let me put it back on.
3. Maybe the most scary to me, but in July I start rotations. I don't know what part of Ky I will be in, if there will be a gym or good place to work out, how much time I will have to work out, the access for healthy food as well as a place to store it. All those things are unknown to me and I don't want the unknown to be my downfall. Pray that God will help me to be organized with the weight loss at the last minute when I have to be. Pray that I will find a routine that will work for me no matter where I am.
Thanks to all of you for supporting me through this. God is good and He is faithful to me! I can overcome this. I'm so blessed to have made the progress that I have made. It will be an amazing testimony to my future patients to share with them this struggle and to finally say I overcame it!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

April update

The other day I caught of glimpse of her. It’s been quite some time since I had seen her. She looked confident. She had that smile that everyone always talks about. She seemed calm and at peace. She seemed full of love. She seemed happy. She looked like she knew where she was going in life and if she didn’t know she seemed ok with that.

I saw me-Amalie, Ames. Someone that I had forgotten about. I haven’t felt quite like myself since my dad died. I was struggling before he passed away, but losing him was a quite a blow that sent me into a world that I had forgotten had existed. These past almost 2 years have been the toughest of my life.

Where I am today is almost unfathomable. I never thought that I could make it through PA school. It was just too hard when I got here. Now, I’m six weeks away from starting my rotations. That is scary in itself, but it seems exciting at the same time. Since August I have done quite a battle with my inner self. The battle isn’t over but right now it seems that I am coming back to me. I’m beginning to feel comfortable with being me. I’m beginning to feel comfortable loving on others, sharing God’s love with others. I’m so thankful for this feeling. I pray that I will cling to these feelings in the heat of the battle.

This week I had the priveledge of one of my professors sharing with us in a student lead bible study with some of classmates. She talked about peace. She said that as one of the fruits of the spirit it is a gift to us. It has been given to us and we have to remember in times of hardship to take out peace and use it. I’m praying that I will continue to use peace as God has given it to me. I also had the revelation that Christ has already died for this problem that I have with food. He already paid the price for me. He has overcome my sin for me and with His love, His strength, and His guidance, I can overcome this!!