week 3 of workouts

So, I finished my 3rd week of working out with the Time to Change group. Tomorrow(Saturday) I am attending a weight training session. It will be my 5th workout of the week. They require us to do 3 workouts a week. I think my goal is to stay at 5 workouts a week.

I hate working out initially. I usually say that I am kicking and screaming all the way to the gym. Now I have started verbally telling my trainers that I really don’t like them during my workouts. Really, they are great and I am thankful for them!
After my workouts, I have such a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I am making progress that I am getting somewhere. Today as I was driving back from a water aerobics class, I began thinking that all of the sudden I feel like I am back in control of my life. My anxiety attacks have greatly decreased. I feel much happier thanks to medication and exercise.

However, I feel like there is this fine line between me allowing Christ to be Lord of my life which gives me a sense of control and ME being in control. You know the classic pilot/copilot lesson. Its so hard to keep that in check. Does anyone have any suggestions to how I can truly evaluate that in my life? How do you know when you are trying to get Christ out of the pilot seat and let you take your life for a spin?

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is this whole thing of obesity. There are just so many reasons why I am overweight. With that in mind, I am very much convinced that it is one of the sins in our lives that you can’t hide from the world. Your obesity, your vice, your god is so evident for the whole world to see. Gossip, lying, stealing, lust, etc—those can possibly all be hidden away from the world where only you have to deal with your sins. The funny thing is that I eat to hide myself from the world, to keep me to myself, so the world doesn’t have to deal with me. Yet, in reality, people look at you because you are different. People stare at you because of how big you are. Yes, people tend to not see you, the real you because they can’t get past the weight. So, I guess some people who are gluttons for the shear purpose of hiding themselves from the world achieve their goal.

WELL, I need a new goal in life. God is so good and so faithful to me. He has given me talents that should not be wasted away. He has given me a purpose that I need to fulfill. I’m trying to take it day by day. To meet with God and to deal with these issues. The above words are just a small glimpse into my life. I’m being transparent with all of you because when I voice these feelings, the lies from Satan, they don’t have that much power of me. Yes, they will still haunt me. It may even be easy for me to give in to the lies, but I have faith that from here on out I will have the strength to stand back up!!

This journey hasn’t been easy. God didn’t call us to an easy life. Sometimes it is so hard for me to remember that. I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to do things that don’t seem easy. I have to remember that He has a plan for me and that by His strength I will persevere!!