STRESS

Today is a day that I could definately eat myself out of house and home literally! We have so much going on with PA school, and I'm very stressed out. As I was driving home from class, I wanted to stop and get something from the gas stations or Arby's which I passed by. Its hard to explain the feelings I had. I just had this overwhelming urge to gorge on food.
I don't really know why I feel that way, but I know that moments like this have led me to be who I am today. I have sort of used food to check out of the world. I call it my very visible wall that I have put up between myself and the world. I hope that I will be strong in resisting more moments like these.
Thankfully, I just kept on driving. I didn't stop and in my house I only have relatively good choices of food. I'm trying to wait to eat until I am truly hungry.
My prayer lately is that with every pound that I lose, I will deal with the hurts and pains that I allowed to end up as added weight to my body. I think when it boils down to it, I have been holding on to many things. I pray daily that I will have the courage to LET GO!

My first 10 percent

My goal 3 weeks ago when I started was to lose 10% of my body weight by Christmas.

10%=33 pounds (yes, thats right I weighed 330 pounds)

I really feel confident that I can get to that goal by Christmas especially since I've already lost 12 pounds. So, I'm almost halfway to my first goal!!

Two other goals I must work on are my quiet times and working out!!

RIP

This weekend I went to my first UK game and I have to say it was quite exciting. A touchdown in the first few minutes of the game and an amazing ending where UK took back there lead. After the game my friend and I were hungry and she went through Wendy's drive through. I got an order of chicken nuggets and a root beer. To say it was good was an understatement.
HOWEVER, the next day I was sick at my stomach all day. It occurred to me that even in just 3 weeks of eating mostly HMR meal replacements and fruits and veggies, my stomach is already not able to tolerate grease. There have been other times in my life that I have quit eating fast food, but after Sunday I now feel that I must bury my love of fast food in its grave.
Death to the fast food, to those greasy fries and greasy hamburgers. Death to Taco bell bean burritos on rare occasions. No more buffalo fingers from Zaxby's. No more Krystals on the drive to Knoxville from Lexington or Lexington to Knoxville. I must say Rest in Peace fast food.
That being said, I know that it isn't going to be that easy to give up those things, but I think I can do it!! I know I'm going to try. I may try to bring the love of fast food back to life BUT that is what I am counting on you guys for.
Tomorrow is my official weigh in day and I know I'm officially atleast at my first 10 pounds lost!!

accountability group

Well, I had my first official weigh in for the accountability group that we have set up at school. I lost 3 pouds this week. Two weeks ago, I started a weight loss program-HMR and it seems to be working really well because my total is 8 pounds. I'm really excited about that.
Its so strange how I can go from feeling so horrible about myself to being really proud about what I've achieved. I hope that I will be able to lose my first 10% by Christmas and at the rate I'm going right now it is very doable.

The greatest thing going on right now is that I feel really good. My stomach troubles are almost non existent AND I'm even drinking shakes that are milk based. I have a little more energy than I have had in the past few months, but I'm still tired.
Well, I think that all in all what started out as a bad week has turned into a good mid week:)

A BAD DAY

Today was a very bad day. It is very hard to explain, but right now in school we are having to learn how to do physical exams. I am not very comfortable with ANYONE touching me (even my own doctor). So, I asked two other girls that I felt I could let poke and prod on me. Then this new lady in our class came in. We tried to tell her that there were already three of us. I was SO embarrassed and almost started crying right there. I didn't know how to tell her that I did not feel comfortable with her in the room.
I think that she also threw off the other two girls because I didn't feel like we got much accomplished. Anyway, I've felt horrible for the rest of the afternoon.
Today proves to me that I really do need to get some help. This problem is truly larger than myself.(no pun intended) So, I did what I have been putting off for some time and that is call about counseling. I'm going to my doctor here on Wednesday to ask for a referral. Hopefully, I am ready to work through the issues.
On a brighter note, a couple of ladies in my PA class and I are weighing in every Wed. This wednesday will be our first weigh in. I have been eating HMR foods for the past 2 weeks and am doing really well!
Well friends that all for now!