2 weeks with a "poo" doctor

Well, I have finished my first 2 weeks of clinical rotations for PA school. I only have 48 more to go but who is counting! I am on my internal medicine rotation and somehow that has translated into me working with a GI doc these first 2 weeks; next I’m with lung docs for 2 weeks and then with heart docs for 4 weeks. I just wanted to share with you guys some things that I have learned over that past 2 weeks about the stomach. DISCLAIMER: Some of the below information may just be TMI.

The first day that I got to watch colonoscopy and EGDs being performed. I kept hearing this noise. I knew that at times they were using suction but it really sounded like farting. I didn't really think the patients were truly farting on the doctor until he said, "Gosh, Joe(true name withheld) You are blowing me away down there!" Boy did I feel stupid and disgusted all at the same time.

Doc asks me: “Do you know how many times on average a person passes gas a day?”
ME: “I have no idea.”
Doc: “13.5 times a day”
(Seriously, 13.5 times a day, that is a lot of farts and for those of you who say you don’t ever fart I think you have to be contributing somehow.)

Pt to doc:

“Doc, I’m just feeling “nawzee” all the time
Translation (which took me a second): “Doc, I’m just feeling nausea all the time”

style="font-family:Andy;">Doc asks me: “Worldwide what is the average number of bowel movements in day?”
Me: “I would say 3-4 times a day to once a week”
Doc: “Actually it is up to 8 times in one day if you live in Africa and eat a diet like a cow, and 1 time in about 2 weeks if you are an Eskimo and only eat fish”
Me(thinking to myself): 8 times a day…are you kidding me and once in 2 weeks…how awful

Pt to doc: “I’m telling you it feels like I’m frying an egg down there”
Translation: really bad heart burn

Doc says to me: “Did you know if you took all the microvilli in your stomach and spread them out they would cover a football field?”
Me(thinking): “DANG”

Doc to patient: “you know if you quit smoking all your stomach problems would go away”
Patient was having nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and reflux. She was in terrible pain. She didn’t understand what the smoking had to do with it. So the good doctor explains. NOT ONCE DID HE MENTION ALL THE ILL EFFECTS THAT WERE OCCURING TO HER 12 WEEK OLD FETUS. Yes folks, she was pregnant, still smoking, and the good doctor failed to tell her smoking can harm a baby.

When a patient comes in with constipation or diarrhea it is important to ask the following:
How much do you poo a day?
Is it a small amount or a large amount?
What color is it?
Does it stink? I mean does it stink way more than normal, like makes your eyes water?(word from the good doc)
So my advice to you who don’t look is you better start investigating because we as your health care providers do care!

Pt(who was in his 90s)to doc:"Doc I guess I'm going back to my childhood days...I ain't got no teeth and now I'm messing on myself"
Seriously, I think that was my favorite comment that I heard the past 2 weeks!!

All in all it was a great 2 weeks. I have seen more people’s butt cheeks than I ever want to see again. I have seen exactly what lives in your stomach and your colon. Trust me people it is not pretty. The doctor that I was working with was an awesome guy(aside from the smoking baby mama), and he taught me more about being available to patients. His biggest piece of advise to me was what one of his mentors called the 3 As: be “A”vailable, be “A”miable, and be “A”ble and in that order. I think I can handle that. I’m not sure if working with lung doctors is going to be as interesting as these past 2 weeks but I will update you all soon!

new perspective

You know I have been very frustrated lately. I think that is becoming a theme for me in this weight loss journey. About a month ago, one week before I was to do my triathlon, I was rearended and got whiplash. I didn't exercise for a whole week or was allowed to do the triathlon. Not that being in the middle of finals is a great excuse, but that combined with the no exercise led to a 4 pound weight gain. Then I came home and went to the beach. My goal was to not gain weight and/or lose it. In my mind, I was going to lose weight. Well, I had a really good week at the beach. I had great breakfast and lunches, and ate what I wanted at dinner. I exercised 4 of the days that I was there. I came home and I had not lost ANY weight. I was so mad and so discouraged. I was begging God to just help get rid of this problem, to kick the habit of eating when I shouldn't, to eat better, to exercise more, etc, etc.
So, as my dorky PA student self, I sat down to watch a little discovery channel. I watched this show about people with what is called Proteus syndrome. People afflicted with this disease have a part of their body that will not quit growing. One particular person highlighted in the show had legs that weight about 150 pounds all on their own. The only way I can explain this is to think of the marshmallow man in ghostbusters and how big, well he was, but that is what her feet and legs looked like. She had to go to have her shoes specially fitted because they were constantly growing.
I just kept thinking about her once the show was over. She has this affliction that will never go away because there is no cure for Proteus syndrome. In fact if doctors perform surgery on their bones it somehow makes the bones grow more and at a faster rate. I couldn't shake how positive this woman was and how she just went about her own life with what at times was evident pain. I felt horrible for the way I was feeling about my struggle with weight loss. I do have some control over my weight. I have a lot of control. God never promised us an easy life. He did say that "He knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us."
I have to cling to that hope. We all have to cling to that truth. We need to remember that everyone has their own burdens. Realize that maybe your burdens truly aren't that bad. Take some time to look at other people, like this women with proteus, and see that there situation really is bad and see the AWESOME ways that they triumph. I say follow in their footsteps. Never think that your situation is not important. I think that all of us in the midst of our pain should remember that we are valid. A struggle with sin is just that and sometimes it can be overwhelming. Thank God for the struggle, but allow Him to help you stand up under it. Allow him to free you from it.

jesus and the hemorrhagic woman

I have not posted on here in some time and just as a forewarning this is going to be a long post, but God has been teaching me a lot lately and I want to share with all of you. First, there is a song by Natalie Grant called Our Hope Endures, and in it there is a phrase that says: “walk a mile with a women whose body whose torn with illness but she marches on”. The song goes on to say: “our hope endures the worst of conditions, its more than our optimism; let the earth quake our hope is unchanged.” For whatever reason that song led me to the story of the hemorrhagic woman being healed. Natalie Grant gave me this picture of the her walking in the crowd that day with a purpose. She marches on, her hope endures and ultimately it led to her healing. I have read that passage in the NIV, ESV, and the Message just trying to understand what she was going through, what she was feeling, and what exactly happened that day. I like the way the message puts in in Luke 8 and here is what is says:

In the crowd that day there was a woman who for twelve years had been afflicted with hemorrhages. She had spent every penny she had on doctors but not one had been able to help her. She slipped in from behind and touched the edge of Jesus' robe. At that very moment her hemorrhaging stopped. Jesus said, "Who touched me?"

When no one stepped forward, Peter said, "But Master, we've got crowds of people on our hands. Dozens have touched you."

Jesus insisted, "Someone touched me. I felt power discharging from me."

When the woman realized that she couldn't remain hidden, she knelt trembling before him. In front of all the people, she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at that same moment she was healed. Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"

God had so much more to say to me besides that the woman’s hope never failed. Notice first here that it says she had this affliction for 12 years. Can you imagine bleeding for 12 years? I’ve heard people preach on this before and say that she was literally cut off from the church b/c she could not enter the temple to even be in the parts of it where women were accepted. Today, while we aren’t excluded from the church because of our sin, I have let my battle with food hold me back in so many ways in my spiritual life. It really is sad.

Second, it says that she had “spent every penny on doctors but none had been able to help her” How much of my resources—my money, my time, my thoughts—have I invested especially in the area of weight loss to find something/anything that will cure me of my weightloss problem and nothing has worked? How many of us have afflictions or sins that we have invested in everything we have to stop sinning, everything that is but Jesus?

Third, notice she slipped in from behind and just touched the hem of Jesus robe. She slipped in from behind. She didn’t want anyone to notice her. She wanted to keep her 12 year problem a secret but she wanted to be healed and she knew Jesus was the one who could do it. This women knew that she didn’t even need all of Jesus, just a little part of him. She knew that he was so powerful that just his hem of his robe had enough power to heal her. Oh us of little faith, just the smallest bit of Jesus is all we need. He is more than sufficient!

Fourth, when she was healed and Jesus felt that power had left him and he stopped and demanded to know who had touched him, she realized that she couldn’t remain hidden. This bleeding women who for 12 years had been trying everything to be healed so that she could be entered into the fellowship of God in the temple. This woman who probably had dodged so many questions as to why she wasn’t going to the temple, etc all because of her affliction, was now going to have to be noticed. In that moment she knelt before Christ and the WHOLE CROWD and here it says, “she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at the same moment she was healed.” I think this is the part that really spoke to me. I have mentioned before how part of the weight gain was to keep me “hidden” from the world. I have maybe even tried to down play this weight loss. BUT, I see it clearly here that the “crowd” needs to know my struggle and they need to see how it all turns out. Christ deserves the credit and the glory and the honor of the work he is doing in me. I should be “blurting” my story out to all who will hear.

Last, Christ leaves us with this—“live well, live blessed” I intend to do just that. I am blessed because God has been doing so much in my life right now. I’m still at the halfway mark to my next 10% and while I may not make it to my goal by July 7. I do know that I have made so much progress in the last year!! Thank you all for your prayers. No matter what happens, I have lost 45 pounds since Labor day 2007J

There is just so much power in knowing that Jesus died for me, for all of me—I’m truly at a loss for words to express how I feel about this. I pray that each of you who read this will be encouraged to “blurt out” your own struggles so that Christ’s kingdom can be furthered!!

halfway there!!

I'm halfway to my July goal. I think I can do it--I hope I can do it!
Some things that I would have you pray for are as follows:
1. May 22 is the day my dad passed away. Almost 2 years ago which as I have said before I can't really believe. Pray that I will deal with this in a healthy way. Pray that Satan won't use my grief to lead me to my bad habits of self sabotage and over eating. More importantly pray for my mom that she will make it through this tough time as well!
2. I have what I call the weight loss wall. I can lose about 50 or even 60 pounds. I've done it a few times before. Every time that I do something happens to help trigger me back into an upward spiral with the weight. I recognize that part of it as a freak out moment when I realize that the weight I put on to "hide me" away from the general public and to "protect my heart" could really go away. So, I'm approaching the wall and I want to keep pressing on. I want to "throw off the sin that so easily entangles"! Just pray that I will allow Christ to stand up under this yoke of slavery and not let me put it back on.
3. Maybe the most scary to me, but in July I start rotations. I don't know what part of Ky I will be in, if there will be a gym or good place to work out, how much time I will have to work out, the access for healthy food as well as a place to store it. All those things are unknown to me and I don't want the unknown to be my downfall. Pray that God will help me to be organized with the weight loss at the last minute when I have to be. Pray that I will find a routine that will work for me no matter where I am.
Thanks to all of you for supporting me through this. God is good and He is faithful to me! I can overcome this. I'm so blessed to have made the progress that I have made. It will be an amazing testimony to my future patients to share with them this struggle and to finally say I overcame it!!

April update

The other day I caught of glimpse of her. It’s been quite some time since I had seen her. She looked confident. She had that smile that everyone always talks about. She seemed calm and at peace. She seemed full of love. She seemed happy. She looked like she knew where she was going in life and if she didn’t know she seemed ok with that.

I saw me-Amalie, Ames. Someone that I had forgotten about. I haven’t felt quite like myself since my dad died. I was struggling before he passed away, but losing him was a quite a blow that sent me into a world that I had forgotten had existed. These past almost 2 years have been the toughest of my life.

Where I am today is almost unfathomable. I never thought that I could make it through PA school. It was just too hard when I got here. Now, I’m six weeks away from starting my rotations. That is scary in itself, but it seems exciting at the same time. Since August I have done quite a battle with my inner self. The battle isn’t over but right now it seems that I am coming back to me. I’m beginning to feel comfortable with being me. I’m beginning to feel comfortable loving on others, sharing God’s love with others. I’m so thankful for this feeling. I pray that I will cling to these feelings in the heat of the battle.

This week I had the priveledge of one of my professors sharing with us in a student lead bible study with some of classmates. She talked about peace. She said that as one of the fruits of the spirit it is a gift to us. It has been given to us and we have to remember in times of hardship to take out peace and use it. I’m praying that I will continue to use peace as God has given it to me. I also had the revelation that Christ has already died for this problem that I have with food. He already paid the price for me. He has overcome my sin for me and with His love, His strength, and His guidance, I can overcome this!!

40 pounds!!

woo hoo--40 pounds lost!!

Time to Change--"I will not do that"

This past week of training has been rough to say the least. We are getting to a part of the weightloss journey for me that isn't just about losing weight anymore. I am having to deal with some self esteem issues, some lies I have been believing for sometime, and always wanting to be invisible when it comes to males due to some problems in my past.
A couple of weeks ago I went to a special workout that was supposed to be with all the other groups on a saturday morning. In that training, we had to do this exercise called a reverse row which is basically a pull up from laying on the ground(if that makes sense-the bar is close to the ground too). I was very self conscious about it especially because 2 people had to hold the bar. They had to support all 300 pounds of me pulling down on them as I tried to pull myself up.
So, Monday I get to workout and what does Johnny decide I have to do?? Yes, reverse rows! He held one end of the bar and the other was in the rail of the wall. The whole time I was doing them I was more worried about how heavy I was and how ashamed I was of who I am! Then later in the workout he has me do a few exercises on this dog sled thing.
Well, he asked me to bend down and push the dog sled the length of the gym hall(the best I can explain to you my location) and I said, "I'm not doing that" He said, "You can do that" I said, "I know I can do it, but I'm not doing that" He wanted to know why. We go back and forth a little bit more before I finally tell him that I don't want people looking at me especially with my hiny up in the air. He said that he would do it with me, but I finally did it on my own. [An aside note to my point here is that I got halfway down the hall and felt dizzy. I stood up and felt nauseated. I pulled the sled the rest of the way down the hall and felt even more nauseated and dizzy which is when Johnny told me to sit down. Yes, puking was AVERTED!! (Hey, most of you know it is against my religion anyway!!)]
Tonight I had to do the inverted rows again:( I didn't have to do the dog sled thing--I guess we weren't taking any chances on puking. I had a really hard time working out today. See right now it isn't so much about the physical health but about the mental and spiritual health. Spiritually I am having a hard time taking hold of the victory of the cross. A good friend of mine told me essentially that is her prayer for me. I want that. I want to believe that I will finally break free from this bondage of food! I want to believe that I will continue to shed pounds and get healthy. Mentally, I'm having an even harder time. My self esteem has always been low. I have always wanted to be invisible. In my mind, just being at the gym and being twice the size of other people there does not allow me to be invisible! And bending over and pushing something is just asking others to stare and you and think, "OH LOOK AT THAT FAT GIRL"
I didn't want to have male trainers. I have 2 of them. God did that on purpose and on some days I am just not ready to deal with it. Its a bit strange to me that 2 really nice guys are helping me break away and put behind me some of the years of being put down by boys and teased by them, and degraded, and other abuse.
So, this week has been tough. I'm not writing this so you guys can feel sorry for me. I'm writing this so you will know where I'm at. A few of you I have shared some of my struggles with before. This is pretty much it. I'm working on it! I'm battling and I'm more determined than ever to keep fighting this fight. I pray that I will take hold of the victory that was given to me on the cross. Pray for me as I learn that I was not made in the image of God so that I could be invisible! Pray for me as I forgive people who hurt me deeply. Pray for me as I learn acceptance of who God made me to be. Pray for strength and rest. Pray that I will be intense in my workouts and filling out my food journals.